The policy of signs!

The signs continue. No, not the signatures. I meant the signs which I had spoken of in my last post.

Well, it so happened, I was enjoying a blissful state in my office which comprised of:
# less to almost no work,
# drinking a cuppa coffee,
# going through blogs and
# ruminating over some very serious issues – such as when to go for lunch, whether to have a fruit bowl + a sandwich to maintain a diet or give a damn and have a satisfactory meal, whether the girl I saw earlier in the day in the cafeteria was smiling at me, or whether she was looking at the guy behind me, and so on and so forth. While I was engrossed in all that, the phone rang and broke my reverie.

Rishi Madhav?

Yes, thats me.

Sir, you have won a 1 lakh accidental insurance policy from XYZ bank. I invite you and your wife to come to our bank and pick it up.

Excuse me? Me and my wife? Oh you mean, getting married qualifies for an accident! Great! When could I come down to pick it up?

I am sorry sir, you have misunderstood. It is an accidental insurance policy sir meant for couples, which..

Yes, yes, I heard you. You know what, I am trying to look out for a soulmate. The sole of my shoe has rubbed out, but I have not been able to find one. I mean a girl, not a shoe! Mate, I think the only hope for me is to meet her accidentally.This policy would cover for that right?

No, No sir.This policy is for married people who might have an accident and it would cover for their costs..

Oh, so you mean, if I had an accidental marriage, this policy would cover for that? Wonderful!! Thats an amazing policy!! Get married and get reimbursed too!! What else would I need?

Yes sir, its nice to know that you are impressed by the policy, but what I meant is that if you are married, you can take this policy which covers for all your accidents and..

Yes !..I know that..what you need is for me to marry by accident right?

No sir, for this policy you need to have an accident, and more so..

Yes, that’s what I meant. Thats much easier than looking at horoscopes,birth dates,doing small talk with the girl, etc. You see, I have a plan for that. I’ll wait by the turn of a road and look at all the girls passing by. As soon as I find an attracive female passing by, I shall take my bike, and stand in front of her vehicle, so that she hits me! That will be an accident right? And then I shall propose marriage.By the way, would the policy cover for a few broken parts of my bike and possible body injuries to me?

Sir, please try to understand, this policy is for accidental accidents, not intentional ones..
Of course, you silly! How else did this word come by? Anyways, I have another doubt..

(Totally tired)
yes sir, please go ahead..

Have you heard of the saying : “Kids in the backseat cause accidents, and accidents in the backseat cause kids”?

(Suspiciously)
Yes, sir, I have..why do you ask?

Well, would your policy cover for any accident which might happen in the backseat?

Sir?!!..what are you talking about?..backseat of your bike?..in the open??

(laughing out loud)
Of course!! In the open!..cant have a hooded bike can I?

(and then it dawned on me. Angrily, I shouted at him)
I mean an accident TO my backseat,you fool! Didn’t I tell you,she is going to hit my bike!..What else did you assume?..Goodness,how can you people think of such things?

(Sheepishly, almost blushing)
Ah,I am sorry sir, but a small doubt. If the girl has a car, then this accident might happen right?

(Angrily)
Yes, of course it would happen! And I am sure you would have a policy to cover for all the overheads which might come out of that accident, wouldn’t you!!

(Blushes)
He, he..you mean the little heads, right sir?

Shut up! You are talking way above your head! I am not interested in your policy, and for your information, I am single and gay!

Sir? Gay?

As in happy, you fool!!Goodbye!

And with that I banged the phone down exasperated. Here I was interested in marriage, albeit accidental, and there he was asking me all sorts of weird questions!! Of course, I would have been interested if the policy had covered for that. But it was not to be.

What else does a bachelor need? A nice room to stay in, enough money, friends, and the freedom to do whatever he wants to! Who needs a policy to compensate for the loss of all this?!

By the way, Talking about freedom, I ran out of my bathroom today morning, shouting out “eureka”! The Bathville horror has come to an end! The geyser has been fixed, and I have hot water finally.Justice has prevailed, and this yet again re-affirms my belief in the triumph of good over evil, of hot over cold! My house-owner being the evil, and me the hot guy, of course!

Anyways, I think Archimedes was obsessed by somebody called Rekha. Why else would he run out of his bathtub, naked, into the streets calling out,”u rekha,u rekha”!!

Of course, I had my towel on, and I dont have a bathtub!