The FAQs

Why do some people just stare at you while you are with them in an elevator?And I am talking men! And that too at 6:30 AM in the morning!

Why do they keep staring at you even when you look back at them?

Why do some people look at you while singing? I mean do they want appreciation for every line sung? Or are they just concentrating?

If it is the latter, why cannot they close their eyes? Or why cannot they look at a mirror? Or why cannot they look at the sky? Their pants? Arms? What am I talking about?

If it is the former, why don’t they stop singing when you smile back? Is that not appreciation enough?

Why do some people ping you on chat, say just a hi – almost a dry, nonchalant, no-exclamation, doing-a-favor-on-you kind – and then, when you reply immediately with a complete opposite “Hey! How are you?” ,do not respond for an eternity?

And when they do, why do they say any or all of these – wassup / kya chal raha hai / aur bataa / hi / hey / / ? The last one was no response – eternity continues.

Why do some office colleagues come inside your cubicle when they want a break, and in spite of the fact that you are on a break yourself listening to some music with your headphones, will start a conversation with you about how the zipper on the company-gifted office bag, is actually of low quality? And then look at you for a response? And then when you have removed your headphones (out of courtesy – professional or whatever), will look at the monitor and ask which song you have been listening to?

Why don’t they take a hint and keep ambling around your cubicle trying to think of some vague topic to talk about, while you keep your headphones around your neck waiting for that nick of a chance to cover your ears?

Why does my subordinate keep calling me “Sir” whenever he passes by my cubicle, despite the fact that I have asked him not to? A million times!

Why do some people park their bikes, scooties, scooters in the area meant for my car? And why does the society watchman not watch all this? And why does he just smile back when I ask him to get off his chair near the society gate, take a stroll around and make sure that such mistakes do not happen with others as well?

Why do some people put their hands in their pockets and dance in front of a mirror while knowing that there are some people who may be watching them? And then pretend that they are dancing for the “love of it”?

Why am I starting to sound like Kareena Kapoor in the Airtel ad?

Why are you reading this post?

P.S : If you are reading, please do answer the question above by commenting here. Please do so, even if you aren’t.

P.P.S : I should thank all my reader, my innate sense of human behaviors, and that paper guy in the elevator who was staring at me while I was returning from my morning workout in the gym, for inspiring me to write this very introspective post. I only wish it was that girl in the pink sports T-shirt, instead, staring at me. I think I have fallen for her – spent 8 days already in the gym. 3 more months to go! Kamaan!

P.P.P.S : Why have I been using the P.S so frequently in the last few posts?

So..howdy is things?

Spots. No, stars. To be more precise, as I recollect, they were starry spots. Everything around me was in slow mo. Tom-Hanks-in-Saving-Private-Ryan style. Except, there were no bullets flying around and no one screaming into my face “Captain, are you alright?”.

I could hear a dull thud somewhere though; didn’t know whether they were drum beats or my heart pounding. Faint pictures floated around, as beads dropped on the leathery surface below. Thoughts, were they? But I knew they had put me on a roller coaster ride. Fun. Laughter. Melancholy. Love. Headaches. Ecstasy. The churn in the bowels. Green mountains and dark clouds.

I took a deep breath. The numbness was starting to creep in and I looked up. Times of India, a bottle, echoes and a water cooler. Oh, it was in my hands. I raised it to my mouth and took a gulp. I could feel the cold path it had taken inside of me. Like snowfall in a forest fire. Not quite dousing it, though. I looked up again, trying to focus.

A pair of eyes looking at me. Sympathy? Empathy? Amused? I then realized they were looking at my hands. I looked down, and there they were – the drops turning into a smudge on the leathery couch, and drying up. I wiped that with my hands. Just then, a streak of yellow from the horizon fell on me mercilessly, as if trying to shake me off the reverie I had fallen into and I was transported back to reality.

I stood up, took another gulp, kept it on the cooler and headed back into the gym for another round of cardio.

Yeah! I have joined a gym. Finally! After 11 long months of dealing with a lot of things happening in my life, I decided it was time to get back on that treadmill and run like hell! To pick those dumbbells and pick bell workout (?) like hell! To get on that EFX machine and…err..EFX like hell!

And although, after the first 10 minutes of cardio, it did feel like hell, well, I am glad I have started the painful journey…yet again! Persistence has got to have some rewards, right? Along with good dieting?

And yeah! Finally, thanks to my good friend K10, I am getting a Mauser gun all to myself. Beware, the next time you land in my house, you might want to memorize the password or you might just end up eating Lead Masala! I finally get to live the lifelong dream I have had for over 2 years, starting 2007 and which somehow fizzled off in the year 2009 owing to recession, Chennai and well, ahem…some guys.

I just could not believe that I had lost my powers of flirting! sob! sniff! Atchoo!

But we shall get to that later, for right now, I am all set to be – Devilish laughter and a crooked eye-brow in anticipation of what’s to come next – The handsome South Indian cowboy, with a 6 tier pack and a license to flirt!

P.S : Well, just so the alarm bells don’t start ringing, and you start to think that I am running the IT arm for Al-Qaeda or Al-something else, the Mauser is actually a lighter, shaped as a cool-looking gun.  But pliss to ignore that for now!