Pink bell bottoms at 5 AM!

I woke up thrice before even the alarm went off at 4:30 in the morning. 1:30, 3:30 and the at 4:30.

The first time I woke up, I remember I was dreaming a sequence where I had kept my bike out on the road and I, clad in only my biking shorts and a 6-pack (of course! Hmpf!) was spraying soap water all over it in slow-mo, a la John Abraham. I also had dark shades, but I am yet to figure out why I was wearing it at 3 AM in the morning in the dark. Also, why I was spraying soap water at 3 AM in the morning. Hmm. Am sure Sigmund Freud must be stirring in his grave right now trying to explain this.

Anyways, while I was spraying soap water (in slow mo, mind it!), I saw an apparition in the distance which looked like a female walking towards me in a shy yet assured manner. And she was smiling! I tentatively looked behind to check if she was smiling at me or the gate watchman who was sleeping. She was looking at me! And as she walked towards me, I thought I heard the tinkling of her ear rings. And her rhythmic gait added to the beauty of the entire situation. I think I was in love.

I suddenly saw I was standing atop a huge drum in a beach, seated on my Schwinn Sporterra with lots of colors being thrown around and lots of beautiful women dressed in traditional sarees dancing around the drum. I myself had shed the biking shorts and was dressed in pink bell bottoms and a jazzy blue suit over it with an even jazzier red and green shirt underneath it! Ah! I was loving it. I felt like superman in a 50s movie!As I saw around, I saw the entire beach filled with drums and everywhere there were other men seated on the cycle with women dancing around them! Oh no, wait! They were actually more of me! My goodness! I could not believe it!

But strangely there was no loud music or drums or anything of that sort. All I could hear was a constant tinkling sound and the women dancing to that. I looked around and in pure NTR style, I started to tell the female who was by then dancing around me to “put aan some moosic, I say and then dhance baby, dhance!”.

Everything fell quiet suddenly and I found I was standing in front of my table looking at my cell phone which was ringing at that time. And I heard my mother calling my name from inside and asking me to stop the alarm. I stopped it and quietness fell. I looked around the dark room. No spray, no cycle, no female and certainly no 6-packs. Damn.

I freshened up, checked my RSVP for the BFB meetup, confirmed the location, collected my accessories for the bike, got into my biking shorts and stepped out into the dark 5 AM morning. As I checked my bike, I looked around out of the corner of my eye hoping to see you-know-who. In resignation, I rested my hand on my little tummy, which was not even remotely related to anything resembling a 6-pack.

I shook my head, strapped on my helmet and with dreams of one day standing atop a huge drum in pink bell-bottoms I rode on for my Saturday morning ride!

Vital Stats:Total Distance: 19.5 Kms, Cyber Towers –> ORR Entrance –> Gachibowli Stadium –> Left towards Aparna Sarovar –> Back to Hyderabad Central University –> Left towards Botanical Gardens –> Kothaguda Junction.

Total Time taken: 50 Mins (2 breaks of a minute each)

People: HBC Riders, Mukul, Dinesh and myself.

State of mind: Distracted by the pink bell bottoms and the female I saw

State of body: Nice and fresh!

Take aways: Get a cyclocomputer, carry some money and keep a steady pace.

Cykil Maastaru!

Prejenting from the land of Orakil, Googil, Unkul and the Aapil, Soreassu – the Cykill Maastaru!


Everybody pleej do clapping and shout big big words in big big voice! Hello Soreassu, this is your family.

Jacku, Smartu, Lazy, Kissu inka Dumbu! See, this is family ficture.

They are all to be happening your cousins, OK?  no no, not distance. Not own brother-sister also. They are all happening to be somewhere in between. tch, got it no? Like, 19-20? Here and there? Like that.

So, Jacku. cheppu. cheppamma.

Hello, i am Jacku. it is shaart farum for jackassu. sometimes in the naarthlo, they call me jhakaas. I ask, enti undie jhakaas? And they show the “first class” fingering style in their hand and also do winking at me!!?? Ayyyo! I am thinking why they do all that? They do not have father-brother at home?  Anyway, why i am called Jackassu, nobody know. I think it is because i tell everybody I like jack daniels when I am in Hyderabadu. But I only ride an donkey in my native drinking coconut water and toddy. hehe. i think it cool. but sadly, others think it uncool. What assulu! By the by, i am your unkul’s sister’s elder brother’s cujin.

Not with sword, I say, I will kill with eyesight!  Ha ha! By now, with the Balayya dialogue I crack, you might know I hope that i am Smartu – your father’s brother’s elder son’s brother.

I am also deep meaning poet. I will give egjhample:

Better smartassu than a dumbassu (my other cujin!), is what I always say,

let me tell bro, being a smartu is not eejy way,

fishlu will swim and birdulu will fly

but I will be Smartassu till I die!

How it is? 🙂 Ok, i know, i need to change Balayya’s dialogue now.

Babu, Lazzyassu? where you are? tell about yourself no? This Smartu is always talking0 talking! You should talk more to aal peepul, ask koschans about them. Why always sleeping like gunny bag, munching chipsulu and watching only Baba Ramdev’s Yoga on TV? You do shavasana anyways. you don’t change channel also, atleast go out do some pzical activity, you are the warasht fellow, look at soreassu, he is doing cycling to work, thinking of running aalso, so many good good things…

Hi, I am Lazyassu. I am your father’s uncle’s sister’s….ayyo, forget it…you hear my aunthee. It is ok.

… and you do not want to move your bum an inchi, why you are like this i am having no idea at all….

You are right Aaunthee. Lazyassu is really lajee. He does not do any werk also; you do all the hard work, cook nice food, clean house, do laundry, give us aapils to eat, you do so much Aunthee. very nice you are. Oh, soreassu, I am Kissassu. Ayyo Aunthee, wait undie. You will get tired working alone. I will come and do chatting with you so you have timepass and feel fresh afterwards; then, we will have some tea and biskuts. How you make such nice tea aunthee? please teach me aalso no, today….

Why are you called Soreassu, babu? Is it because you have a sore bum? Why you have sore bum? Oh, you are having cykil now? And you are cycling to work aalso? Why? How it will help save money when you already spent so much on the cykil no? Oh, you shout inside car at other people who put horns unnecessary. they are horny people babu. don’t fight aganest them. but why you shout? you also put horn no. anyways, it is because of tummy you buy cykil. I understand now. you want to lose weight, be more active and all. but why? you do not have gf, you do not have wife, you are divorced i know, very sad (or very happy, maybe). so, you want to lose weight because you have bf? ay ay yo. ok, but problems are there even if you have bf, baasu. ask me. tch.

Oh, also you bought some jing-bang with it – helmet, glovesulu, ayyo. Oh, you already start cykil to work? you also do cykil rides in weekend? you go round round for 15-20 kms with some other people? why? it is fun? why you do on weekend when you cykil to work?

oh, that is why you name this blog as http://www.bumsandbrakes.com?

But why you are called Soreassu? Hmm. I do not understand anything, I say.

Oh, by the by I am Dumbassu. Hello!